It's been raining all week and I must say I rather enjoy it. The sound of the rain drumming gently against the rooftop tiles has definitely been a nice change. Though I will admit driving has become a bit tiresome. But the good part of it all is that I get to enjoy myself much more with my indoor activities. It's not much different then my normal days but there's just something about working on things while it's raining outside that makes everything so much nicer. Yes, I'm strange.

In fact, I believe I'm starting to enjoy myself a little too much, to a point where I've lost the will to connect with the outside world. It's sort of like the vacation I always wanted. Sometimes I find it a little odd how content I feel, particularly given how I'm not exactly happy (or sad for that matter) with where I am in life. And in some ways it feels as if I am a super old person, ready to retire. From what? Who knows. I haven't done enough in my life to deserve such relaxation but that certainly doesn't make the prospect any less welcoming.

So GDC is coming up. And for those of you who don't know it stands for Game Developers Convention. It's this big convention that happens up in San Francisco every year for the gaming industry. In any case, my friend told me her husband could get me a ticket if I wanted to go this year since I couldn't make it last year, but I'm a little torn. After she brought it up I realized I haven't touched a program in the last year. In fact, I don't think I've done any significant programming in the last two years and the number of finished portfolio worthy ideas I have is zero. I don't have any games to show, a suitable resume or anything that would be useful if I went. I don't deserve to go.

Bah. I am such a coward. I should go just to see what it's like, for the experience and the networking. Who cares if I have nothing to offer, am barely in school and am socially inept?!

..

Fear is the mind killer, they say, and I am it's willing victim.