The perfect song to describe how I have been feeling as of late.
相反的我 The Opposite Me
by Zhang Yun Jing
我看見鏡子後面皺著眉的我
Behind the mirror I see a frowning me
很孤單怕有話想說
Really lonely and afraid, with a few words to say
像天空不會永遠都是藍色的
Just like the sky that cannot always be blue
有陰天你才會抬頭
When there are cloudy skies, you will then lift your head
走穿多少的巷弄 笑了哭了
Walking past multiple alleys, I’ve laughed, I’ve cried.
有三四個人愛我
Three or four people love me
*我想要一個亂了數字的時鐘
I want a clock with mixed-up numbers
我想做一個完全相反的我
I want to become a completely opposite me.
我在這個世界拼命 是什麼
In this world, what am I fighting for?
累死我
So tiring
我有雙不聽任何命令的耳朵
I have a pair of ears that don’t listen to anyone’s commands
去享受快樂加上自由的我
To enjoy the happiness and freedom in me
我要變成一個透明的石頭
I want to become a transparent rock
我不會 動 也不會痛
I won’t move, won’t be hurt
想念的憂鬱太重累積了所以
Like tires that have been used for too long, I have no energy left
原諒我想消失自重
So please forgive me for wanting to disappear
每個人都在喧鬧的軌道奔走
Everyone is running a frantic path
講真的我想要呼救
To say the truth, I want to cry for help
請看愛情 的臉孔 美的醜的
Please look at love’s many facades, the beautiful ones, the ugly ones
幾 千萬人都被愚弄了
How many millions of people have been ridiculed
Repeat *
這個我那個我不一樣的我
This me, that me, a different me
Repeat *
我想要一個亂了數字的時鐘
I want a clock with mixed-up numbers
我想做一個完全相反的我
I want to become a completely opposite me.
相反的我
The opposite me
So my dad and little brother came to visit this weekend. Well, to be exact it was my dad, brother, aunt and my two cousins. It was quite a rowdy weekend if I must say. Playing chauffeur and driving everyone around to places I didn't know how to get to. An adventure of sorts. One would think that a family visit would be uplifting, fun and even somewhat comforting. Needless to say my family visits are never like that. Usually they're filled with irritation, stress and a sense of shame.
In any instance, I am happy I got to see and spend time with my little brother. Though I do feel like it was too short. The only day I really got to 'hang' out with him was on Saturday and even then it didn't feel quite long enough. I guess this weekend was sort of an eyeopener for me. Made me realize just how much I missed being around my little brother, even if these feelings weren't reciprocated.
This weekend wasn't bad. The house was rowdy, I got to eat good food and I even got to lose a few games of Settlers. Yet why is it all I have is the bitter aftertaste of what we call family? Sometimes I wonder when the world in my head will stop spinning. Maybe it already has. Maybe it has.