"we are motionless"

home

What does the word home mean to you? Does it give you a sense of security? Those warm fuzzy feelings that make you comfortable just thinking about it? I wish I could feel that way about my home. Not be constantly weighed down by the underlying tension, the resentment, the hate.

I grew up here. Yes. It was on these streets where I painted my childhood and built my foundations. But all I have here are the memories of the past. All my mistakes, my past, waiting to devour me as I round each corner.

I love my family, my friends...I really do. But being here. I'm suffocating.

All these unwanted thoughts, these unwanted memories. The people I hurt, the things I should have done, the things I did do.

Since when did it get so bad? The fear, the anxiety, the guilt.

Home is where the heart is. I lost my heart a long time ago. So where does that leave me?

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26 December 2010 8:30:00 AM


"this time is ours"
"Here's what I think, Mr. Wind-Up Bird," said May Kasahara. "Everybody's born with some different thing at the core of their existence. And that thing, whatever it is, becomes like a heat source that runs each person from the inside. I have one too, of course. Like everybody else. But sometimes it gets out of hand. It swells or shrinks inside me, and it shakes me up. What I'd really like to do is find a way to communicate that feeling to another person. But I can't seem to do it. They just don't get it. Of course, the problem could be that I'm not explaining it very well, but I think it's because they're not listening very well. They pretend to be listening, but they're not, really. So I get worked up sometimes, and I do some crazy things."



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if i could hold this moment in my hands, i'd stop the world from moving
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