A month has passed and it seems as if it has all been getting progressively worse. I stand and watch as the world I have come to know and love slowly melt away, leaving me alone with nothing but the gentle sway of the desert sand.

After weeks of reflection, I still find myself stranded, no closer to the question for an answer to be found. On some days I feel like I have been staring in the face of reality, attempting to comprehend something beyond my physical capabilities. I can't help but hear the laughter as I stumble around helplessly, trying to taste with my fingers and see with my ears. Yet still I continue to grasp in the darkness, hoping that one day my hands will be able to make sense of the pulsing waves that surround me.

I know am not depressed, at least not in the way our average day human views depression. Most of my thoughts stem from a sense of strict realism which others often perceive as depressing - though I would argue otherwise. For me it's more of realizing the limits of life and coming to terms with just how little I have accomplished in the past last twenty two years. My failure to bring that burst of life energy or anything of vital use to the human world pains me to a certain degree. But becomes more of a motivating factor than anything.

Perhaps it is just being in this space of thought that scares me the most. I have spent so much of my time detached from the rest of the world, its views, its people. That now, when it is finally time to return I can't help but feel vulnerable. Like a soldier walking onto a battle field with nothing but a shower cap and bathrobe. I feel out of place, misguided and all too exposed.

We always grow up thinking we've been through a lot, thinking that we've matured so much. But I have come to realize the naivete of such comfort. With every project comes a new set of skills we need, a new way of thought.

You see, the real battle begins now. Just as it did seven years ago and just as it will seven years from today.

It has become, or perhaps it has always been, a war that cannot be won composed of battles we cannot afford to lose.