Lately nothing has been making much sense to me. I'm not talking about academics or anything of the sort, rather, I feel as if the filing system in my brain has taken a short vacation and the in box has overflowed with a pile of unorganized papers.

Though in reality I know it's not a vacation I have put myself on, but more of a system overhaul.

Recently, I have finally put the whole process of changing myself to action. To put an end to my continual rationalization I decided it was time to step out of my comfort zone and become the person I always strive to be.

It has been fairly successful thus far. Things at home are much easier to bear and fostering the relationship between my aunt and I has been an enlightening experience. But along with that comes the vulnerability.

I feel as if it is taking me longer to adequately process my thoughts now. When I made the decision, I was ready to be open with others, to put a little part of myself out there and accept the fact that i would be vulnerable. But at the time I don't think I had realized that along with being honest with others I would have to be honest with myself.

Perhaps you think that's quite ridiculous. After all, who could miss such an obvious thing.

The more I open up to others, the more I think about things that I have spent my whole life locking away. To be quite frank, it's driving me insane. The illogical thoughts and unnecessary associations, all these potential pitfalls looming over me. I am not quite sure how to deal with it.

But I guess that is half the fun in life right? Realizing insanity is only the first step.